3/6-5/29 Update
Aloha everyone,
I know it has been a long time and some folks have been asking about Tina. Here is a continuation of my journal. Sorry to bore you, but it is important to keep these notes to see progress, setbacks and to let family and friends see how her spirits are on a daily basis. Some days there are no entries, because it was same old, same old.
3/1/07 Tina is still at Los Alamitos Hospital. She has been very quiet since she's been at Los Alamitos. Maybe she's depressed. To cheer her up I danced as the losers of American Idol sang but for all my efforts, she barely cracked a smile. I told Tina everything is ok, it is safe to come home (so hurry up and get better), she won't have any worries. I read Emi Mukumoto's and DeeDee Mejia's emails to her and she cried.
3/6/07 Back at Country Villa!! What a homecoming. Everyone was excited to see me when I walked in and Tina was so happy to be back. While I was there staff kept coming in to welcome her back. What a difference a day makes, she was obviously very unhappy at Los Alamitos Hospital, but now she is back to her old self.
3/13/07 I get tired of making small talk to Tina everyday, and some days she doesn't have anythying to communicate either, so I just massage her. At the end of today's massage I pretended like I was a faith healer and she was all giggles with my antics. I gotta be creative with my visits after seeing her almost every day for, as of today 288 days or almost 10 months - I don't write this for anyone to feel sorry for me, it is just to remind myself of why I'm so tired sometimes. Sometimes I get from people that I'm a saint (he he he), an angel, or their hero (yes, I've been called all 3 names) for all that I try to do for Tina - I'm none of that, I just love that little punk (my Little Tiner Weiner, that is what I've call her since she was a baby - and I've embarrassed her many times by calling her that in public).
Tina's brain stem is injuried, that is why she can't move, but her thinking brain is all there. My brain stem is fully in tact and sometimes I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, I'm physically moving but I'm so overloaded, my thinking brain just doesn't seem to work or it just wants to sleep. Most of the time I just don't have my game on like I used to. I just fly by the seat of my pants most days, some days I honestly don't know how I got from Point A to Point B.
3/14/07 Tina is tired of watching TV, she wanted to listen to the radio, so I put on a station 93.9 which has lots of dance music. Shakira was on so as I massaged her I was doing some Shakira moves and she was cracking up, but she was secretly hoping that someone would walk in on me and embarrass me - me embarrassed?
3/15/07 Tina communicated to me, with the help of the nursing supervisor Joanne, that they are going to go back to working on Tina talking and that she still has an infection at the site where the G-tube was so they are going to try to get her to talk and swallow and then eat food. Tina is all for it - she made that decision with her medical team. That is good for her, she didn't feel she needed my approval. She's tired of having the feeding tube in her abdomen and in her nose. So, what seemed to be a setback, is actually giving Tina and the team a feel for a more aggressive approach. I feel that when Tina is able to speak that could really help in her healing progress, that she'd be more independent. (When I wrote "Tina talking..." above, it reminded me of that Twilight Zone about the doll "Talky Tina" - For you TV trivia buffs, here is a web link about that episode: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_Doll_(The_Twilight_Zone)
Bill & Dianna Veeder came to visit Tina today. On the sign in sheet I have column that asks, "Where do you know Tina from?" Bill wrote "I met her on a street corner". So when I told Tina what he wrote, she mouthed "that asshole" and we giggled. Good one Bill.
On the sign-in sheet Tim and Jack (the un-gay couple) always sign, "Tim and Jack - Heterosexuals" or something similar. Can someone spell "d-e-n-i-a-l"?
Today, my daughter Jessie wrote me an email which said, "if there truly are soulmates in this world, i think you're one of them (for me)." She made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I love my kids!!! & son-in-law & brother, Joe - with all that has gone on with Tina - a benefit of it is that my family is even more loving! When I need them, they are there.
3/17 - 18/07 Crash and burn mode - slept all weekend.
3/21/07 Today, Dwayne the Respiratory Supervisor came in with an RT he was introducing to the patients. He said, "And here we have TT (that is what he calls her) and she is doing great, she has a fighting spirit and is doing her best. Little by little she's moving her neck and her trunk and we are proud of her." Tina responded with a big smile.
4/1/07 Today as I massaged her I sang that little Mexican song that parents sing to their children when they get a boo boo: "Sana sana cola de rana..(I don't know the rest)" The translation is "heal, heal tail of a frog" - Yeah, yeah, I know it is one of the weird Mexican traditions. I know it reminded Tina of my mom and grandma.
4/6 I talked with the nursing assistant who feels Tina is not getting her hands exercized enough, Tina said her hands are cramping, and regarding Tina's toenails being cut by a podiatrist. I informed the supervisors about the situation.
4/7/07 I visited Tina with Derek. Since my talk with the nursing assistnat yesterday, I began aggresively doing range of motor exercises with Tina myself. I was afraid to handle her left arm, the arm with the big scar and the plate and screws in it but she said it was ok to move it and that it didn't hurt. Tina was so stiff, trying to raise her arm was like trying to jack up a monster truck. When I was rotating her right arm she was making a face, Derek said, "I think it hurts her." She said "No." Then she spelled "boobs". The angle I am in to massage her right arm causes her hand to rub against my boob! We just fell out laughing.
4/13/07 Friday the 13th. Today I took a walk to El Dorado Park and I guess I thought I was driving, not following to the signal for a pedestrian because I walked right in front of an SUV. It wasn't my day to die, because the SUV somehow came to a gentle stop about 10 feet away from me. I NEED A VACATION!!! Diane told me that maybe it's Post Traumatic Stress. I just know I can't get a handle on details, make this phone call, fill out this form, pay this bill, blah, blah, all Tina's details that I really don't want to deal with, but I have to, who else will? I've got my own details and I'm not dealing with those very well either. I'm just venting here. I don't know what I'd do without Diane as my sounding board or being there as someone to bounce things off of.
4/16/07 On the spur of the moment I rented a car and drove to Sedona to visit my friend Jane Ann. It was great hanging out with Jane Ann and her sister Jill. I really needed to get away. I listened to audio books and it was such a great ride. I felt better when I got back and I was only gone a few days so Tina didn't miss me that much. But, wouldn't you know, as I got off the freeway at Willow off ramp I get a call about a situation (not medically related) that I had to take care of for Tina - just goes to show you, you can't escape your problems.
5/3/07 Bill & Diana Veeder came to visit. This is what he wrote on the sign in sheet: "I met her at an Aerosmith concert - love in the elevator!" When I read to Tina, she mouthed, once again, "Asshole".
5/7/07 I'm doing a Forrest Gump. Remember when he ran across the US and then back again? I rented another car and drove to Grand Junction, CO this time. My friend MaryAnne came with me on our Thelma and Louise road trip.
5/13/07 Back from my road trip to Grand Junction, CO, to stay at my friends, Dave & Laurie Lester's bed and breakfast: www.willowpondbnb.com. Did a day at Glenwood Springs, CO at a mineral bath an hour away from Aspen. At the mineral bath MaryAnne said, a little too loud "I feel like I'm in the movie Cocoon with all these old people". We went to the Grand Junction wine country, a tour of Colorado National Monument, which is almost in Laurie's backyard. Laurie and Dave are wonderful innkeepers, their place is beautiful and she makes the best gourmet breakfasts!! I felt very well taken care of and let them spoil me! We drove back through Utah and a day in Moab (wow, what a great place!). The drive is like driving through an art museum, incredible views everywhere. About 30 miles out of Las Vegas on the 15 coming from Utah, there was an accident that shut down the 2 lane freeway for 3 hours. I know that truckers have CB radios, so I got out of the car (since it was like a parking lot) and knocked on the door of a truck and hopped up on the side to find out what was going on and then other drivers in their cars waved me down to tell them the news. Maryanne said she should have gotten a photo of me hanging on the side of the big rigs - I went to 3 different trucks to make sure I got all the news. This trip to Colorado coupled with my trip to Sedona is what I needed to get me back on track from this year of having to be sooooo responsible.
As I left Grand Junction, Laurie gave me a copy of Christopher Reeves book, "Still Me". When I started to read it I just got as far as the first paragraph of the dust jacket before I broke down crying - his accident was Memorial Day, 1995 and Tina's was Memorial Day 2006!
When I got back Tina had made some more significant improvements and I can hear her now with her Passi Muir Valve - which she uses to speak. They said she needs to practice talking more and my sister is a woman of few words (unlike me LOL) so today I took some music she likes and made her sing and told her when to take deep breaths. Dwayne, the Respiratory Supervisor was joking about it being the Nursing Home Idol! Then he told me Tina's room mate, Kathleen passed away while I was gone. Kathleen was a tiny woman ravaged by MS - but even though she didn't speak, she had quite a sense of humor and I would look out for her since I never saw any family members visiting her. The nurses would joke with her and Tina alot and hold up a mirror so they could see each other. Dwayne said that their room was known as "The Girls Room" (since they were the youngest patients) and they made jokes about "Girls Rule" but instead they would joke with Tina and Kathleen that "Girls Drool" since they are both on ventilators and need to be suctioned. My sister just cracked up at that joke and Dwayne was cracking himself up too. When I rotated Tina's left arm it went up so much higher with more ease that I could see all this hair under her armpits. I joked with her, "Tina, you have so much hair under your arms, you could braid it! She asked me for some Bath and Body Works lotions and bath gel, so I went out and bought some and I went back to shave her armpits - the things you gotta do, huh? I had started the agressive range of motion exercised on 4/7 and now on 5/13, one month and one week later she has loosened up so much and moves her left arm a little more - I used to be worried because it was very tight and she didn't move it - kind of like how stroke vicitms have their left arms and hands clenched. I rotate her fingers on her left hand and they all move ok, except the middle finger, it is shut tight, so I'm working on her being able to flip anyone off with her left hand.
5/21/07 Tina wanted me to finish reading Kate's Journey (the book by the Locked in Syndrome survivor). Weird, the chapter I pick up on was about when Kate was starting to eat and drink again - just what Tina is working towards right now. We take for granted that when we swallow liquids that they go down the right "pipe", but Kate would choke on water and in the beginning only could swallow pureed, thicker substances. So, I told Tina that she has to work really hard to strengthen her throat towards the day she will be able to swallow correctly.
5/25/07 They took out the foley (urinary) catherter and Tina is very happy.
5/28/07 Memorial Day - this is kind of the 1 year anniversary, since the accident was on Memorial Day.
Lisa, Kevin and Charlene were there when I got to the hospital. Charlene wants to have her tattoo artist come in a put a "Survivor" tattoo on Tina. Tina said, "No".
5/29/07 Today is the actual 1 year anniversary of the accident. Today, Tina told me to tell all the Bristol people who have come to visit recently, thank you - Bill and Diana, Don, Camelia, Anna, Patty cakesthere was another woman who I couldn't decipher her name). And I want to thank Tina's regulars: karin, Courtney, Becky, Tim, Jack, Kurt, Jackie, Teresa, Michael, Stephanie, Kathy & Robert, Bill and Diana Veeder, Charlene and her gang of kids: Hannah, Nathaniel and Jacob; Brad, Angelina and the kids (I know Courtney wrote that on the sign in sheet). I really appreciate you guys taking time out of your schedules to visit Tina - it helps me out alot.
I want to thank my karaoke friends who get me out regularly to let off steam: Genie, Tori, Al, Nick, Marcel, Pam, Marie. Yes, I'm becoming quite the karaoke queen and I even get compliments from singers I admire. I read somewhere that if a person is depressed they can't sing - I think all this singing is good for my soul.
Until next time,
Linda
I know it has been a long time and some folks have been asking about Tina. Here is a continuation of my journal. Sorry to bore you, but it is important to keep these notes to see progress, setbacks and to let family and friends see how her spirits are on a daily basis. Some days there are no entries, because it was same old, same old.
3/1/07 Tina is still at Los Alamitos Hospital. She has been very quiet since she's been at Los Alamitos. Maybe she's depressed. To cheer her up I danced as the losers of American Idol sang but for all my efforts, she barely cracked a smile. I told Tina everything is ok, it is safe to come home (so hurry up and get better), she won't have any worries. I read Emi Mukumoto's and DeeDee Mejia's emails to her and she cried.
3/6/07 Back at Country Villa!! What a homecoming. Everyone was excited to see me when I walked in and Tina was so happy to be back. While I was there staff kept coming in to welcome her back. What a difference a day makes, she was obviously very unhappy at Los Alamitos Hospital, but now she is back to her old self.
3/13/07 I get tired of making small talk to Tina everyday, and some days she doesn't have anythying to communicate either, so I just massage her. At the end of today's massage I pretended like I was a faith healer and she was all giggles with my antics. I gotta be creative with my visits after seeing her almost every day for, as of today 288 days or almost 10 months - I don't write this for anyone to feel sorry for me, it is just to remind myself of why I'm so tired sometimes. Sometimes I get from people that I'm a saint (he he he), an angel, or their hero (yes, I've been called all 3 names) for all that I try to do for Tina - I'm none of that, I just love that little punk (my Little Tiner Weiner, that is what I've call her since she was a baby - and I've embarrassed her many times by calling her that in public).
Tina's brain stem is injuried, that is why she can't move, but her thinking brain is all there. My brain stem is fully in tact and sometimes I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, I'm physically moving but I'm so overloaded, my thinking brain just doesn't seem to work or it just wants to sleep. Most of the time I just don't have my game on like I used to. I just fly by the seat of my pants most days, some days I honestly don't know how I got from Point A to Point B.
3/14/07 Tina is tired of watching TV, she wanted to listen to the radio, so I put on a station 93.9 which has lots of dance music. Shakira was on so as I massaged her I was doing some Shakira moves and she was cracking up, but she was secretly hoping that someone would walk in on me and embarrass me - me embarrassed?
3/15/07 Tina communicated to me, with the help of the nursing supervisor Joanne, that they are going to go back to working on Tina talking and that she still has an infection at the site where the G-tube was so they are going to try to get her to talk and swallow and then eat food. Tina is all for it - she made that decision with her medical team. That is good for her, she didn't feel she needed my approval. She's tired of having the feeding tube in her abdomen and in her nose. So, what seemed to be a setback, is actually giving Tina and the team a feel for a more aggressive approach. I feel that when Tina is able to speak that could really help in her healing progress, that she'd be more independent. (When I wrote "Tina talking..." above, it reminded me of that Twilight Zone about the doll "Talky Tina" - For you TV trivia buffs, here is a web link about that episode: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_Doll_(The_Twilight_Zone)
Bill & Dianna Veeder came to visit Tina today. On the sign in sheet I have column that asks, "Where do you know Tina from?" Bill wrote "I met her on a street corner". So when I told Tina what he wrote, she mouthed "that asshole" and we giggled. Good one Bill.
On the sign-in sheet Tim and Jack (the un-gay couple) always sign, "Tim and Jack - Heterosexuals" or something similar. Can someone spell "d-e-n-i-a-l"?
Today, my daughter Jessie wrote me an email which said, "if there truly are soulmates in this world, i think you're one of them (for me)." She made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I love my kids!!! & son-in-law & brother, Joe - with all that has gone on with Tina - a benefit of it is that my family is even more loving! When I need them, they are there.
3/17 - 18/07 Crash and burn mode - slept all weekend.
3/21/07 Today, Dwayne the Respiratory Supervisor came in with an RT he was introducing to the patients. He said, "And here we have TT (that is what he calls her) and she is doing great, she has a fighting spirit and is doing her best. Little by little she's moving her neck and her trunk and we are proud of her." Tina responded with a big smile.
4/1/07 Today as I massaged her I sang that little Mexican song that parents sing to their children when they get a boo boo: "Sana sana cola de rana..(I don't know the rest)" The translation is "heal, heal tail of a frog" - Yeah, yeah, I know it is one of the weird Mexican traditions. I know it reminded Tina of my mom and grandma.
4/6 I talked with the nursing assistant who feels Tina is not getting her hands exercized enough, Tina said her hands are cramping, and regarding Tina's toenails being cut by a podiatrist. I informed the supervisors about the situation.
4/7/07 I visited Tina with Derek. Since my talk with the nursing assistnat yesterday, I began aggresively doing range of motor exercises with Tina myself. I was afraid to handle her left arm, the arm with the big scar and the plate and screws in it but she said it was ok to move it and that it didn't hurt. Tina was so stiff, trying to raise her arm was like trying to jack up a monster truck. When I was rotating her right arm she was making a face, Derek said, "I think it hurts her." She said "No." Then she spelled "boobs". The angle I am in to massage her right arm causes her hand to rub against my boob! We just fell out laughing.
4/13/07 Friday the 13th. Today I took a walk to El Dorado Park and I guess I thought I was driving, not following to the signal for a pedestrian because I walked right in front of an SUV. It wasn't my day to die, because the SUV somehow came to a gentle stop about 10 feet away from me. I NEED A VACATION!!! Diane told me that maybe it's Post Traumatic Stress. I just know I can't get a handle on details, make this phone call, fill out this form, pay this bill, blah, blah, all Tina's details that I really don't want to deal with, but I have to, who else will? I've got my own details and I'm not dealing with those very well either. I'm just venting here. I don't know what I'd do without Diane as my sounding board or being there as someone to bounce things off of.
4/16/07 On the spur of the moment I rented a car and drove to Sedona to visit my friend Jane Ann. It was great hanging out with Jane Ann and her sister Jill. I really needed to get away. I listened to audio books and it was such a great ride. I felt better when I got back and I was only gone a few days so Tina didn't miss me that much. But, wouldn't you know, as I got off the freeway at Willow off ramp I get a call about a situation (not medically related) that I had to take care of for Tina - just goes to show you, you can't escape your problems.
5/3/07 Bill & Diana Veeder came to visit. This is what he wrote on the sign in sheet: "I met her at an Aerosmith concert - love in the elevator!" When I read to Tina, she mouthed, once again, "Asshole".
5/7/07 I'm doing a Forrest Gump. Remember when he ran across the US and then back again? I rented another car and drove to Grand Junction, CO this time. My friend MaryAnne came with me on our Thelma and Louise road trip.
5/13/07 Back from my road trip to Grand Junction, CO, to stay at my friends, Dave & Laurie Lester's bed and breakfast: www.willowpondbnb.com. Did a day at Glenwood Springs, CO at a mineral bath an hour away from Aspen. At the mineral bath MaryAnne said, a little too loud "I feel like I'm in the movie Cocoon with all these old people". We went to the Grand Junction wine country, a tour of Colorado National Monument, which is almost in Laurie's backyard. Laurie and Dave are wonderful innkeepers, their place is beautiful and she makes the best gourmet breakfasts!! I felt very well taken care of and let them spoil me! We drove back through Utah and a day in Moab (wow, what a great place!). The drive is like driving through an art museum, incredible views everywhere. About 30 miles out of Las Vegas on the 15 coming from Utah, there was an accident that shut down the 2 lane freeway for 3 hours. I know that truckers have CB radios, so I got out of the car (since it was like a parking lot) and knocked on the door of a truck and hopped up on the side to find out what was going on and then other drivers in their cars waved me down to tell them the news. Maryanne said she should have gotten a photo of me hanging on the side of the big rigs - I went to 3 different trucks to make sure I got all the news. This trip to Colorado coupled with my trip to Sedona is what I needed to get me back on track from this year of having to be sooooo responsible.
As I left Grand Junction, Laurie gave me a copy of Christopher Reeves book, "Still Me". When I started to read it I just got as far as the first paragraph of the dust jacket before I broke down crying - his accident was Memorial Day, 1995 and Tina's was Memorial Day 2006!
When I got back Tina had made some more significant improvements and I can hear her now with her Passi Muir Valve - which she uses to speak. They said she needs to practice talking more and my sister is a woman of few words (unlike me LOL) so today I took some music she likes and made her sing and told her when to take deep breaths. Dwayne, the Respiratory Supervisor was joking about it being the Nursing Home Idol! Then he told me Tina's room mate, Kathleen passed away while I was gone. Kathleen was a tiny woman ravaged by MS - but even though she didn't speak, she had quite a sense of humor and I would look out for her since I never saw any family members visiting her. The nurses would joke with her and Tina alot and hold up a mirror so they could see each other. Dwayne said that their room was known as "The Girls Room" (since they were the youngest patients) and they made jokes about "Girls Rule" but instead they would joke with Tina and Kathleen that "Girls Drool" since they are both on ventilators and need to be suctioned. My sister just cracked up at that joke and Dwayne was cracking himself up too. When I rotated Tina's left arm it went up so much higher with more ease that I could see all this hair under her armpits. I joked with her, "Tina, you have so much hair under your arms, you could braid it! She asked me for some Bath and Body Works lotions and bath gel, so I went out and bought some and I went back to shave her armpits - the things you gotta do, huh? I had started the agressive range of motion exercised on 4/7 and now on 5/13, one month and one week later she has loosened up so much and moves her left arm a little more - I used to be worried because it was very tight and she didn't move it - kind of like how stroke vicitms have their left arms and hands clenched. I rotate her fingers on her left hand and they all move ok, except the middle finger, it is shut tight, so I'm working on her being able to flip anyone off with her left hand.
5/21/07 Tina wanted me to finish reading Kate's Journey (the book by the Locked in Syndrome survivor). Weird, the chapter I pick up on was about when Kate was starting to eat and drink again - just what Tina is working towards right now. We take for granted that when we swallow liquids that they go down the right "pipe", but Kate would choke on water and in the beginning only could swallow pureed, thicker substances. So, I told Tina that she has to work really hard to strengthen her throat towards the day she will be able to swallow correctly.
5/25/07 They took out the foley (urinary) catherter and Tina is very happy.
5/28/07 Memorial Day - this is kind of the 1 year anniversary, since the accident was on Memorial Day.
Lisa, Kevin and Charlene were there when I got to the hospital. Charlene wants to have her tattoo artist come in a put a "Survivor" tattoo on Tina. Tina said, "No".
5/29/07 Today is the actual 1 year anniversary of the accident. Today, Tina told me to tell all the Bristol people who have come to visit recently, thank you - Bill and Diana, Don, Camelia, Anna, Patty cakesthere was another woman who I couldn't decipher her name). And I want to thank Tina's regulars: karin, Courtney, Becky, Tim, Jack, Kurt, Jackie, Teresa, Michael, Stephanie, Kathy & Robert, Bill and Diana Veeder, Charlene and her gang of kids: Hannah, Nathaniel and Jacob; Brad, Angelina and the kids (I know Courtney wrote that on the sign in sheet). I really appreciate you guys taking time out of your schedules to visit Tina - it helps me out alot.
I want to thank my karaoke friends who get me out regularly to let off steam: Genie, Tori, Al, Nick, Marcel, Pam, Marie. Yes, I'm becoming quite the karaoke queen and I even get compliments from singers I admire. I read somewhere that if a person is depressed they can't sing - I think all this singing is good for my soul.
Until next time,
Linda
posted by Lisa @ 9:26 AM
